The heart of an empty womb.....

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;" Proverbs 3:5


As a little girl I would daydream about finding my very own real baby in the bushes as I played in the desert near our house in California City. I always knew I wanted lots and lots of children.

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21


Little did I know that the Lord had different plans for me.
So far after 13 years of marriage and a few years of infertility treatment there has only been an empty womb, a hurting heart, a sense of missing out.....once in a while. I say once in a while because most of the time I'm able to defeat those feelings with a true knowledge of my God. I know His plan is more then I could dream of. And no doubt it has been more then any dream I could have have had. He's given me two beautiful children to call my own. Two children that I would never trade for any child of myself. Two children that I would not have if I would have gotten my way.

I'm writing about this now because lately I've really had a longing to have more children. The frustration and sadness loom when I am faced with the fact that I cannot make that decision for myself. I have to rely on other people. I have to fill out form after form and go to class after class. I have to open my life to strangers who make the decision for me. What if they had a bad day? What if they don't like me? What if? If they only understood my heart. If they could feel, and see what I do i'm certain they would knock on my door right now with a new little blessing. But it doesn't work that way. I wish it did.

I've been decorating a nursery. I've been collecting little things and painting and dreaming. I have a name picked out. I have clothes hanging in the closet and little shoes all lined up. I've sewn valances and a bedskirt, painted the whole room and am crafting ABC's for the alphabet wall above the bed. I've got a stack of fabric for the curtains on the closet waiting to be sewn. I've filled out all the forms. Now I wait. It could be a week, it could be a year, it could be never. But hope is good. I believe that it will happen. Call it a hunch, call it a feeling, I call it hope. I know that whatever happens, soon, or never, that His plan for me, for us, is perfect. And though these feelings are strong the trust I have in Him is stronger no matter the outcome.

Ahh, hope is good.

Here is the nursery that is waiting. We are waiting for a little girl and are preparing for two just in case. Most newborns in the system have siblings and wouldn't it be amazing to get a newborn with a big sister? Or twins!? I would love that!

If you have extra room in your prayers, will you think of us? We would be so grateful!

Gingerbread, Candy, and Frosting, OH MY!

I am trying to get into the habit of not just taking "portraits" of my kids. It's really hard when something is going on and I have to get my 50lb camera out of the bag, set up a white balance, dial in my ISO and settings, etc. (Okay it doesn't weigh 50lbs but it's close). But I realized through some discussion on a forum about "documenting the details, with Angie Warren" that when I am old and gray I want to look back and see the details of my kids lives. Not just perfectly brushed hair and great eye contact. So to kick off the details I busted out the mamarazzi moves last week while they made their gingerbread houses. I will totally smile when remembering this years from now. Advice of the day.....bust out those cameras. Even your phone camera will do. It's important to capture the little things as they grow. Soon they won't be little anymore.
One of the best mamarazzis I know is my cousin Tina Platt. Way to go Tina! You inspire me to capture the little things, you are so good at it and I love seeing all your posts of Salior Mae!


Not perfect, but perfectly documented. ;)



{Big Bear Photographer}

More of Hailey.....{Big Bear Photographer}

How sweet is she!






{Big Bear Photographer}

Hailey {Big Bear Childrens Photographer}

My niece Hailey is here visiting us for the first time without her Mommy. The next best thing to being a Mom is being an Aunt. I'm so thankful for all the sweet faces my sister was blessed with. And also thankful that I'm able to steal them from her from time to time. I got so many precious pictures of Hailey but just wanted to share a few of what I've edited so far. I did get smiles but her little austere' look is really a big part of her and it's fitting for the session we did..She makes my heart squeal with glee.

The simple things.... {Big Bear Lake Photographer}

I can tell by my own blog post titles that I'm trying to get back to the basics. hehe. Life has just been too crazy and so in my resolve to slow down I'm feeling really nostalgic and, well...simple. I worked in my son's classroom today and it was great. I would never have had the time a week ago. When I was done I was driving home and for a second I had a moment of panic and thought..."shoot! What am I supposed to be doing that I'm forgetting about!!?" and then I realized...oh yeah...nothing! Weird. Anyway, I am really hoping to get cozy with slowing down.
Happy Thansgiving!!

The First Snow {Big Bear Child Photographer}

It's snowing! It's snowing!
The very first snow of the year!
It's the showiest, blowiest, snowiest snow--
The snow is finally here!
It's brisk and it's breezy;
It's frosty and freezy;
It's creamy and dreamy and clean.
It's drifty and sifty
And perfectly nifty.
It's the prettiest stuff that we've seen!
It's softer than kittens;
It melts on your mittens;
It's hushy and shushy and bright
It's softer than silk
And whiter than milk.
It's crispy and wispy and light!
It's the very first snow of the year!
It's the showiest, blowiest, snowiest
snow-- our snow is finally here!
- Lori Peelen

Giving Thanks for New Life.....Khloe {Southern California Newborn Photographer}

This past week I was blessed with a session with sweet, 8 day old, baby Khloe and her adorable family. They drove over 2 hours to get to me and I am impressed that baby slept the entire way. She didn't really want to sleep for me due to the great nap but I was able to sweet talk her a little bit and hopefully captured moments that they'll love forever. Her big sister Paige was so cute and soooo photogenic. I hope to photograph Paige in the future for one of my {S4M} series. And hello, Khloe was just 8 days old, look at how beautiful her mama is! It was so lovely to meet you H family, I hope you enjoy your sneak peek!
Blessings,
Rebecca